On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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