if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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