so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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