It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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