we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
