what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
