I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
