Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
