i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
