my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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