you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
