We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
