Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
