I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
