Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
