I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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