I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
