she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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