hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Enjoy the penises
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
