i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
