I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
