I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
