i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
