I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
