i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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