I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
