You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
third nipple confirmed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
