the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
