I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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