i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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