pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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