blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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