Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
