as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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