My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it because I queefed?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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