This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
