found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
