she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
