I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
