can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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