Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
