So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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