i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
