So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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