so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
