2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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