it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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