so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
