ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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