This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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