One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
