White coat. Heels.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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