What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
