she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
