Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
