get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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