Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
