If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
