you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
