Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
