I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
