Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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