every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
