After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
