She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
