Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
