i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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