oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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