apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize