I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
