and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Couch. On fire.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
